


Shout Out (I Love You)

by grethan-allmance (Sapphire09)



Series: Grethan Drabbles [26]
Category: The Dolan Twins
Genre: Grethan, M/M, Sibling Incest, Twincest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:41:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24636253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sapphire09/pseuds/grethan-allmance
Summary: The first time Ethan came with Grayson's name on his lips, he was horrified.
Relationships: Ethan Dolan/Grayson Dolan
Series: Grethan Drabbles [26]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1276412
Comments: 1
Kudos: 37





	Shout Out (I Love You)

**Author's Note:**

> A/n: Another pining Ethan! I love pining Ethan. He's so fun to write. This is also, plot and pattern wise, pretty much Love Sickness but with younger them. Like, technically the same story, like same song different... arrangement? Kind of thing, with the same singer? Since it's still me, writing them. Ugh.
> 
> Anyway, what's different is that they're younger here. In my head, anyway. I hope their voice sound more youthful than they did in Love Sickness. Feel free to skip if you're bored of it and wished I had written something else already. (Seriously, it's technically the same story, that's your warning)

The first time Ethan came with Grayson's name on his lips, he was _horrified_.

He didn't mean to. He wasn't even thinking of anything when he started rubbing his half-hard dick. He was a teenager, alone in his bathroom. It feels good and it just _happens_.

He didn't know how his mind drifted off from vague thoughts of boobies and naked skin to thinking of his brother, wondering without meaning to if he masturbated the same way. Wondering if his hand would look like _this_ around -

His brain didn't even conjure a clear image, just a vague idea, and then he came, harder than he usually did. Harder than he was supposed to _be_. Of course, he was _horrified._

His brain has always been a weird place, thinking weird things that doesn't make sense and sometimes, he felt like no one, not even his twin brother, could understand the entirety of the thoughts his mind could form. He was the weird twin, he was different from his twin, so _what._

 _(Differences are to be embraced, and being different doesn't stop them being the closest person to each other. So really, so_ what. _)_

But this, masturbating to the thought of _Grayson,_ was probably the worst thing his brain ever done to him.

It's wrong. It's _wrong_. Grayson is his _brother,_ so he _shouldn't_ -

( _So what does it matter that Grayson has long eyelashes, longer than his. Slightly bigger eyes, sweeter smile, softer cheeks. Everything where they differ, Grayson was better at. He could admire them, admit their attractiveness in Ethan's eyes without feeling the ugliness of envy in his heart. That doesn't mean anything.)_

His horrifying thought led him to some weird acts, but since he had a _reputation_ of being the weirder twin, most people didn't catch on, thinking it was just his weirdness again. Which it was, in a way.

Grayson also thought the same, which Ethan wasn't sure if he should be thankful for or be offended by. He decided on being grateful, because he'd probably die if Grayson caught on and realize what a disgusting person Ethan was. Who the _fuck_ masturbates to the thought of their brother? A sick person, that's who.

( _'Am I sick? Fuck, I don't wanna be a sick person.')_

Unfortunately, Ethan couldn't really control his thoughts.

The second time it happened, Ethan was mortified. He still didn't start off thinking about Grayson, that happens in the middle. He was just thinking about lips, about his failed first kiss, then he thought masturbating would make him feel a little better. But, after a while his brain betrayed him again, making him think of Grayson's lips, of how they looked softer than the girl's that he tried to kiss. And, well, lips, dick, hand. In this case, not really a good combination to have, sanity-wise.

So yeah, he was mortified that it happened _again_.

That feeling immediately turned to fear when right at that moment, Grayson came barging into Ethan's bathroom, saying something about borrowing his hairbrush. Mortified and scared, Ethan jumped out of his shower before Grayson could really come into his bathroom, yelling angrily about decency and privacy and all the bullshit neither of them really cared before while pushing Grayson out with all his strength. He slammed the bathroom door behind Grayson, double locking it and feeling his heart beating out of his chest.

On the other side of the door, Grayson was yelling back, indignant about being kicked out, complaining about Ethan making his shirt all wet, and still demanding Ethan's hairbrush. Ethan ignored him, still feeling like he was going to die of heart attack. He wondered, irrationally, if Grayson could actually read his mind and knew what he was doing. _Who_ he had been thinking.

( _Grayson couldn't. He knew this. Still, he felt something like relief anyway when Grayson seemed to forget the incident entirely, not a shred of suspicion in his mind.)_

By the third, fourth, and fifth time, he knew he was fucked. After all, there's only so many times one can think inappropriate thoughts about one's twin brother before he has to accept that there's probably something really, _really_ wrong with him.

By the sixth time, he didn't even bother trying to stop his train of thought anymore. He let the fantasy played out in his mind, a small hope in his heart that maybe, _maybe,_ the novelty will run out, once he really imagines it. Maybe he'll feel something like _disgust_ , or any sense of wrongness that will tell him that he's still somewhat normal. That it was all just _thought_ s, not something he actually wanted doing.

Instead, he came with a whisper of Grayson's name on his lips and a breaking heart.

* * *

Stop acting like you're a cool, badass guy. You're not a cool guy," Grayson suddenly said, out of the blue. He was glaring and exasperated about something, but Ethan honestly couldn't remember what the fuck he had done now to earn such hurtful words.

(Was it the last pudding Ethan took from the fridge? Honestly, he thought it was only fair he took it. Grayson would finish them all otherwise and Ethan wouldn't get any pudding, the glutton.)

"I can be a cool, badass guy," Ethan said, just to be contrary despite his confusion. Also, he totally can. He has cool, badass tattoos and cool, badass hair with cool, badass color streak. Once he can get himself a cool, badass motorcycle and cool, badass leather jacket, then he'll totally gonna be a totally cool, badass guy. He just gotta wait up a bit more for the motorcycle, then he'll totally be the coolest, most badass guy there is. Then he'll totally show Grayson _cool_.

( _He also wonders if Grayson would hold onto his waist while they ride for the sunset on his cool, badass motorcycle. The movies make it look so_ appealing.)

"I know you can, you're already pretty cool," Grayson said with a roll of his eyes and Ethan welcomed the warmth in his stomach and the giddy butterflies at the casual acknowledgment. "Not my point," Grayson continued. "What I mean is you're doing the whole broody, _conceal-don't feel-don't-let-them-know_ shtick again and seriously, you're not Elsa and I'm not gonna be Anna."

So, Grayson has been really into analogies nowadays, but this one is probably one of the weirder one Grayson makes. Not the weirdest, no. But, really, using Frozen? Their little cousins had made them watch it in repeat the whole week when they were home and alright, Ethan had to admit it stuck in their head. Also, maybe, it kinda fits. Ethan does feel like he's going to be a danger for Grayson, since he can't seem to control his lust for him. He'd rather have dangerous ice-magic power that can kill people. Seems less complicated. And more awesome.

Still, Ethan had to raise an incredulous eyebrow at the analogy, if only just for the sake of making fun of Grayson for using Frozen as his analogy.

"I'm definitely not hiding any ice-making abilities from you, if that's what you mean," Ethan said, feigning ignorance. "And you are definitely not a princess. Or, maybe you are?"

Grayson predictably huffed and rolled his eyes, which greatly amused Ethan. He would be more amused if his brain would just stop there, but of course his brain didn't. Grayson lips formed a pout in response to Ethan's amusement, and Ethan's brain immediately conjured an image of himself kissing (well, like just a peck, _merciful gods he cannot have a hard on right now_ ) that pout instead of internally making fun of his brother for pouting like a literal two-year-old like a brother should.

Also, he hates himself a bit more for internally thinking how much he wouldn't mind Grayson being his princess. Besides the fact that this was his _brothe_ r he was thinking of, that was also too fucking _chees_ y. _What the fuck, brain?_

"You're being weird and I don't like it," Grayson said - or maybe whined? Ethan thought that might sound more like a whine, a little. Ethan raised an eyebrow.

"How am I being weird?" The pout increased tenfold and Ethan was proud he didn't give in to his impulse to give those pouting lips a quick (really quick, lightning fast) peck. He was really, _really_ proud of himself.

"Well - You - You were keeping stuff and not talking it out with me. I know something is bothering you, but you're being all - broody! And weird! I don't like it!" Grayson accused.

Now, if this was anyone else, Ethan would tell them how much none of it was any of their business and went on his day, guiltless and cool-like. But, since this is Grayson and he is 100% right in Ethan being weird and broody and keeping stuff, he decided to panic instead.

Slightly.

Of course, that means he went in straight to a tackling move and tried to tickle the hell out of Grayson. After all, when in doubt, make them laugh.

Works everytime. Usually.

Once they were both gasping and their bellies hurt with how much they were laughing, tears in their eyes, Ethan mentally patted himself on the back for his successful diversion tactic. Three weeks (and three videos) passed without Grayson mentioning it again and Ethan thought he actually got away with it. He was really smug and proud of himself, being able to keep a secret from Grayson, with him none the wiser.

Turns out, Grayson was just biding his time and not letting go, like a fucking _dog_ with a _bone_.

"So, you ever gonna tell me what's going on?"

"Why do you keep thinking there's something going on?" Ethan might've whined, a little. He really hoped Grayson would just forget it. Why did he have to get the most stubborn person on the planet to be his twin?

( _Why does he love such a stubborn person anyway? So_ annoying.)

"Because there is something going on, obviously."

"And how would you know that?" Ethan asked back, feeling annoyed and the rising panicky-feeling that just wished Grayson would just stop inquiring shit out of Ethan. He's fucking weak to questioning, damn it! He wondered if he could just tackled Grayson again, tickle him until he'd forget the whole thing.

"I dunno. Twin thing? I just know." Grayson shrugged, "C'mon, tell me. Or, at least tell me why you don't wanna tell me. Is it something about me?"

Ethan flinched, though he hoped Grayson didn't see his bodily reaction. Is that the twin thing again, or Grayson just does that on accident? Like, Grayson has a talent of doing that, just nailing shit on its fucking head when it's something that concerns Ethan. It would be so annoying if Ethan didn't also kind of love it, especially when he could be oblivious when it comes to other people.

Though, in this case, Ethan kind of doesn't love it.

_(Well, that's a lie. He kind of still does. He doesn't like it. He's allowed to be contrary, damn it.)_

"Not everything is about you, Grayson," he said, maybe a bit too maliciously than he intended. He didn't mean to be malicious at all, but defensiveness is really messing up his cool.

Grayson frowned, then blinked, then, "Wait, so it is something about me?"

Fuck him and fuck the whatever twin thing that's happening. Grayson is, more often than not, an _oblivious_ person. How the _fuck_ he got to that conclusion anyway? Right conclusion, but _damn it,_ Ethan is actually _trying_ here.

Ethan huffed in disbelief. "I just said not everything is about you!" he exclaimed incredulously. Grayson, unbelievably, just shrugged.

"Feels like you're lying, so it _is_ probably something about me."

Feels like. _Feels like._

What did lying even _feels like_.

"So, what is it? Did someone said something to you?" Grayson hounded, relentless and entirely too stubborn _, damn it._ "Was it Jake? Alex? _Steve?"_

"...Who's Steve? Do we even know a Steve?"

Grayson shrugged. "I'm just naming names. We probably know a Steve. So, what is it anyway? What's so bad about me that you don't wanna tell me about it?"

Ethan was entirely done at this point. "I just said it's not about you!"

"Do you wanna move out?" Grayson's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "You know you can't do that, not until we're at least 19. Mom said if we're going to live independently, we need to live together until we're of age so we can watch out for each other. We're too young to live alone."

Ethan was ready to throw his hands up in the air. "I don't wanna move out! And why would I wanna live alone? That's too fucking lonely! We could barely do a week apart, why the hell would I move out?"

"I dunno," Grayson said again with another shrug. "I'm running out of ideas. Unless you're in love with me or something, I really can't think of anything else you wouldn't wanna tell me about."

 _Hitting nails on the fucking_ head. _What the fucking_ fuck _._

Ethan has no idea what face he was making. Probably something along the line of incredulous and horror. He certainly felt like that. He tried to say something, deny, _abor_ t, but he found himself actually speechless and gaping stupidly, like a fish.

"...You look like a fish," Grayson pointed out, obliviously. "Close your mouth, you look stupid."

Ethan closed his mouth, still staring at Grayson with that mixed feeling of awe and horror.

"Oh, come on. Stop looking at me like that!" Grayson whined, arms thrown up in exasperation. "I was out of ideas!"

"W-why would I be in love with you!?" Ethan exclaimed, feeling panicked. "We're bros, dude! That's - That's disgusting!"

Ethan was aware on how he was knifing his own heart with his words, but that's - the appropriate, _normal_ reaction, _right_?

 _Riiiiggghhtt_ _??_

"Ouch, dude," Grayson, _nonsensically_ , pouted. "Thanks, dude. Really. Doing great to my self-esteem, you are."

"We're bros!" Ethan exclaimed again, more hysterically. Grayson, however, wasn't responding with the appropriate amount of disgust Ethan believed he should have.

"Oh, are we? And here I thought we're just neighbors that happens to have a somewhat similar face," Grayson sassed some more, "And the same mom an dad, and the same sister. Really, thank you for clearing that up."

The sass. Ethan felt like this is not the time, nor the conversation, where sass is allowed.

This is a _serious conversation_.

"I don't - _Are_ you okay with me being in love with you?" Ethan asked, half hysterically, half incredulously. Grayson blinked, then shrugged, and not looking at all disgusted.

"There are worse things to happen," Grayson answered, kind of glibly. And Ethan felt - well. Hopeful. There was no other way to explain his elation at the prospect that maybe, maybe Grayson won't be too averse to his feeling. He didn't dare to hope Grayson feel the same way as Ethan does, not yet, but maybe he's - open? To it?

"I mean, it was all just hypothetical, right?"

Gravity returned and he crashed down, hard.

Oh. Of course, that's what Grayson thought. It was just - hypothetical. Everything is all right when they're hypothetical. Right.

"Right," Ethan echoed his thoughts, feeling numb and as if his heart was breaking. At least he's not crying.

Yet.

"...Or maybe not so hypothetical?" Grayson asked again, unsure. Ethan wondered what face he was making, if his heartbreak showed so clearly on his face to make Grayson ask that.

"No, you're right. It was all just - hypothetical. Right." Ethan lied, and like before, Grayson seemed to hone in on the lie. Or so Ethan thought, from the way his eyes widened. Suddenly, Ethan felt the need to protect himself, grasping almost desperately on the lie.

"Obviously, it was all hypothetical, ha! Me, fall in love with you? Pfft! We're brothers. That's - that's not right. Like, sure, I love you," Ethan could hear his own voice break slightly on the word 'love', but he hoped Grayson didn't hear it, "but like, as a brother. Not - nothing else."

Grayson's eyes were still wide, staring at Ethan unblinking.

"Ethan," Grayson started, and Ethan hoped what he will say are words of understanding, accepting Ethan's words at face value and stop honing into Ethan's lies.

But, of course, Grayson just wouldn't let it go.

"Are you in love with me?"

Ethan should say no. Keep holding on to the lie, even though it already felt like frayed thread in his desperate grip. But, Grayson has this look on his face that asked for Ethan's honesty. Really, really pleading for honesty.

Just like that, the frayed thread snapped, and Ethan found himself defeated.

"Yes," he wanted to cry. "I'm in love with you."

Ethan expected horror. Wariness, at best. Disgust, at worst.

He didn't expect Grayson to smile so brightly, eyes sparkling as if Christmas had come early, together with Halloween.

Like, uh, _what_?

Then, Grayson's hand went right to his cheek. Ethan automatically flinched away, expecting an attack or a slap or a punch or _something_ , but those hands just settled warmly on Ethan's cheeks before Grayson's face came close and, for a moment, he expected to be head-butted and he closed his eyes tightly and readied himself for the pain, but then he felt a soft press of lips in the corner of his lips instead and he had to open his eyes.

Grayson was grinning, eyes sparkling, looking as if he just got everything he ever wanted in the world. And Ethan doesn't _understand_.

"...What?"

Grayson laughed, and this time he kissed the other corner _(wait, no, you missed my lips is right here, kiss me again_ ) and still looking like he got the best Christmas gift he ever had the pleasure of getting.

Like, what did Ethan do? What did he _say_?

"What? What did I say?" Ethan asked, feeling somewhat lost despite the giddiness of having been kissed and being looked at like that by Grayson, _fuck_ , such a rush, Ethan couldn't live without that anymore, he was sure.

Grayson laughed again, arms now going around Ethan in a hug as he hid his face on Ethan shoulder.

"I'm in love with you, too," he said.

"I'm so fucking glad it wasn't just me," he said.

"Shit, this is the best day _ever,"_ he said.

Ethan thought the same. He was still reeling on what Grayson said, that he's in love with him, too. That it wasn't just Ethan. But, when it was Ethan that closed their distance, get that kiss rightly on the lips, and Grayson returned enthusiastically, Ethan had to believe it.

(Also, _shit_ , he can't go on without those kisses anymore, _fuck_. He knows how it feels now and he can't go back to not knowing and - _fuck)_

But, Grayson returned his feelings. He's happy with Ethan's feelings. He's - _Fuck it,_ Ethan's having this. He's fucking having this.

Whatever may come in the future, that's future Ethan's problem.

**END**

**Author's Note:**

> A/n: I had half a mind to end this on unrequited, just to make things somewhat different, but nah. Couldn't do that. I'm too much of a sap.
> 
> Also, if you haven't noticed, I love their banter. Most of this story is an excuse to write them bantering tbh lol.


End file.
